I fell in love with an aussie..

As the title written, yea..i met this guy in yahoo chat room. I was shocked by his swearing, n i was like 'what a first impression??' I never know aussies are the worst swearing nation in the world, i thought americans took the title. Anyways, as others' comment about me, being frank and honest, I really touched this guy's heart. His name is Deniel. He told me that, and he thinks he likes me. I didn't feel anything at first, but i started to feel something when i can feel like i was appreciated by this guy. I never care if someone doesn't give a shit about me, but he did. He did give a shit about me, he did really care. So he caught my attention, even at first i didn't give a shit about how good he looks. But as soon after i realized he cares about me, I did pay attention to him, i found myself attracted to him. But i don't want to put so much hopes..it is too good to be true. There's nothing such as dreams come true. No such thing.

New update of myself..

Yea..i didn't remember the last time i even cared to write in this blog. So this is the update by the way, gosh, many things had happened already, i don't know where to start. But hey, I gone through shits and kind of feel lucky that i'm still here to tell the stories. Ok..for the beginning, i'll make an outline so that it'll be easier. In this post, people will notice many swearing words, there's a story behind it too. Cool eh? Everything happens for a reason, now that saying really applies. It is a bit messy in my head right now, to be honest, i did imagine myself committing suicide. It's not really what i want to, but u know, when you are so depressed and there were nobody around you that you can share the pain with, sometimes it will be an imaginary solution that just popped in your head.

Shit #1: I had a bf, which has a gf. Feeling unsecured, i create another relationship that i thought was secure, until i found out he lied to me big time, he also has a gf before he met me,
and they have been together for 5 years. So we broke up, i ended up alone.

Shit #2: I got no friends, as my friends are all graduated. I'm living in an all-non muslim
housemates, with me as the only malay and muslim in it.

Shit #3: Financial and studies problem.

I hate everything about him..

It's my first ex..I just never thought he will be the most despicable guy i ever met in my life. We broke up like 6-7 years ago. And then in 2007, he came back to me, talking bout the old times and made me think that he wants me back. He is so despicable that he intended to play with my heart, as he has become a such a playboy now. Well, he thinks that I can be his doormat..but he can only dream about that. I found out that he already has a steady gf, but he still spending nights with girls just to have fun. What type of guy is that??? He is just so pathetic..I wish he died from a disease or something..God, I never wish to be this mean..but he has just crossed over the line.

I asked him to stop contacting me, and stop all the nonsense he created..or intended to do. I dont feel any regrets about this. At first, when I found out..my tears were about to burst. I am so mad at him, when my tears were about to fall down..I suddenly think that he is worthless to cry over. Now, I'm forgetting him..even the existence of him in my life. Even my hatred towards him. I want to forget everything about him.

What the heckkkk....

Nothing bizarre actually, but I'm always run out of ideas on deciding the title..heheh.. By the way, I'm successfully gone through the 'hell' days of sitting for 2 exam papers..Don't really know if I can make it or not..doesn't matter, for me..I like to enjoy every single moment in my life..let the past to be in the past..err..is it correct?? Nahhh..

In my previous post, I did mention about "a fucking bitch and I hate her"..yea, it's her..she suddenly talk to me in the morning which I prepared to sit for arab language paper..like nothing had happened between us before..that's what I don't like about her..simply take things too easily, including one's feeling like me..I know people make mistakes..me too, but can't she think before taking such a sudden action towards me?? Yea..forget it..I forgived her anyway..but to be frank, I can't treat her the same I used to...why?? Maybe it's the effect of the shocking 'sms'...bye2 a gud fren..

Weird dreams..?

Yea..the word weird itself seems to be very synonym with me..heheh..well, few of my problems are settled already..it's just me that worried so much..

A few days recently, I had dreams about my long-time-no-see bestfriend, and one of my ex..my 4th ex..I don't know what it means, but I think it has to do with what's in my mind..what do i keep thinking about..quite missing my bestfriend though..she's always a talkative one, and I used to feel quite annoyed..but who knows, when she's gone..I really feel the 'emptiness'..I was always want to be invisible, I think I still do..but she never stop coming to me when the classes were over..and talk, and talk, and talk..she had many friends here..as she has a great personality; brilliant (i should say genius), outgoing, friendly, positive thinker, and cheerful. But she kept seeking for me..it made me feel 'special' in a way it was..but she's sick, and had to transfer her study to KL..I think I really need her at this moment..maybe for that reason, I had a dream about her and me seeing each other and spending time together..

Well, about my 4th ex..he gave me a big devastation..which is one of the biggest devastations of my life so far..the weird thing is, my dream about him is the happy one..and nothing has to do with our relationship in the past..I don't know..when we were in the relationship, i felt so much happy and 'special' too..maybe I'm just too lonely..maybe..

Never know why I'm feeling blue right now..but I really miss some parts of the past..I really want someone to be by my side..a bestfriend that cares..that's all..but I guess, people keep themselves away from me, because of myself that wanted to be 'invisible'..I'm happy to be this way, but the loneliness is still hurts, even it has been a loyal 'friend' to me..

Study week..

This is the beginning of study week..it's only a week by the way..there's a lot of things in my mind, that keeps making me worry..I hope I can do well in this coming exam..

I keep failing too..I don't know how to focus only on my study while I got so many things to worry about...arrghh..I hate problems..I know that problems are part of life, but why is it have to be during exam's pressure? I want to be happy and proud of myself..there's so many obstacles I have to go through..and no one is with me but myself..*sigh*

God..please let me do the best this time..

She's a fucking bitch and I hate her..

I know the title is too harsh to describe how much I hate someone..but it's really not enough..well, that fucking bitch is one of my housemate, she's just become a member of hostel committee, what a wannabe bitch..and she's 2 years younger than me , which apparently my junior..

I do keep a kitten in my room as my pet for about 4 months until now, which I mentioned previously in my post..her name is Juli..at first all my housemates seemed ok with Juli..they played with Juli..and did concern bout her..but on the night before last night, I received an SMS from my so-called housemate, and told me to let Juli go..I take care of Juli for 4 months, since her size was only about my palm size..and that slut simply told me to let her go..who does she think she is? That bitch mentioned about how she feel uncomfortable with Juli around..and a so-called unpleasant smell from Juli...that is fucking bullshit..i keep Juli only in my room, the door closed at all times and I do clean my room everyday, and using air sanitizer to eliminate odour..what a bullshit if that so-called odour can spread to her room..plus, Juli using litter box..and i clean it everyday..it has been 4 months, 4 months and only now she suddenly attack me..

I can tolerate if she come to me and discuss bout this face to face..instead of attacking me by an sms..she's my housemate for God's sake..how rude she is..and now, I can't even look at her face..I HATE HER!!!!!!!!